THOUGHTS OF A POET IN THE RAIN

It is amazing to me that I can dredge up so much crap to feel guilty about! I can do it whenever and wherever I happen to be. I have absolutely NO problem with beating the hell out of myself over anything that I believe is wrong in my past including failure to open a door for someone or note helping someone with their groceries…. these are really minor but the major ones well….. I mean, let me tell you, I bet that we ALL have guilt (except those who are sociopaths) in some fashion for things done or left undone or not eve considered at the time. Stupid things. Why do we do stupid things. Why do I do stupid things. I don’t know.  Why am I writing this blog? Will I feel stupid and guilty after I publish it? Yep. I can feel guilty about just about everything including sneezing in public.

So, why? I guess that is the question. Why? And is that part of the depression that kills people that they cannot cope with the guilt that they feel and that most people would say is a bunch of bull shit or to not worry about. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’ve dealt with depression a lot in my life. I have dealt with wondering if I was swapped at birth because my family is definitely different in so many ways from me that I really wonder how I came to be a part of it.

But, I suppose guilt can be beneficial particularly when it comes to not repeating some stupid thing that you might feel guilty about. If you learn from having been stupid then I guess that is a good thing and that guilt will keep you from redoing some stupid thing, hopefully. But long term guilt can be damaging.

I have a friend who admitted to me and several other guys that he failed to have sex with a high school love interest and that when he looked back at the night they spent together when they could have had sex that he feels stupid. I wonder how many others have shared that feeling. I know I have. So, is that a bad thing? Hell if I know, but I do know it helped him to tell us about it and I think it helped the rest of us deal with like guilt and if we didn’t connect properly to the “guilt release” then we’ll just all wake up feeling guilty about that.