Random Thoughts 08.01.2017


And so, the day has gone
and took the hopes that once lived there
leaving me lost and empty, oh so empty
while images of anger roll in
like the waves from a troubled sea
and try as I may, the pain holds the day
as I sink ever lower each moment
looking back at the damage done
and wonder where the day has gone.

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Poetry and Random Thoughts 073017/0608


There is a difference, I think, from the common to the uncommon. Yet, in many cases they appear side by side as twins. Just a subtle difference here or there can determine the difference that you and I cannot perceive on the surface. But isn’t that the problem? Isn’t it how we perceive what we consider to be4 reality?

I have, since early childhood, wondered how you and I see color. A teacher points at a chart and says, “That is blue.” Really? Think about this for a moment. The teacher has an assigned role to play and relies upon her belief and understanding of common versus uncommon. And yet, how do we know if her understanding is correct?

If she says that the object she is pointing to is blue you record that in your mind as being blue. But what if her perception of blue is more tinted with green in your mind. So every time you look at item that in your mind has green in it or perceive it as such then when called upon to point at blue in a test you we pointing at something which in your mind is blue and yet in reality is blue-green  to her but she perceives it as blue because she sees everything put before her as blue being blue and yet her mind approaches the color she sees as being blue-green.

I mean, seriously, how can we come to the belief that what you see versus what I see is actually correct.

In another example, I just fell asleep while sitting here and dreamt I was at a seminar. The hotel that we were staying at was very nice and had a very large swimming pool. Everyone was swimming and so I decided to join in. I just now realized that I was the only one in the swimming pool that was naked but neither I nor anyone else recognized that fact until in my mind I just now realized that I was naked. The reason is because I remembered that in my dream I did not have any swimming suit with me. But in my mistaken reality I and everyone there had a swimming suit on. So, if by chance, you happen to go swimming the question then becomes are you wearing a swimming suit or are you naked.

So, I guess, the real question is quite simply: what is reality?

 

 

New Car and Other Random Thoughts


Have a new used car. Jumped into a 2016 Honda Odyssey EX-L. White with light interior. Sliding doors on the side and a power rear door. It has all the bells and whistles.  It has a camera on the right side for making turns and the first time it came on I thought I had lost part of the car as I didn’t know it was there. Fast. Smooth. Not like the 2007 Chevy. PU truck that was my love and I planned on being buried in it. Alas, not to be. Too hard a ride to go to GA and other places and besides Tread, the German Shepard service dog was miserable and getting rebellious about getting in and out of the truck. Suzie, the Great Pyrenees had no problem. She was a love and I miss her and her brother, Sergio, and Tifton the little brown dog we found one Labor Day weekend driving through Tifton County in GA.

Catatonic in Milwaukee


Stiffness of mind can be a problem and should be noted to tend along with a great deal of anger. I deal with anger. I have problems with anger. I can be very un-nice with anger when it overtakes me and lately it has been  near me too much. I think it is just that the world is moving at such a strange pace and what I hope for is not actually happening but the reverse is. Maybe that  holds true for you as well. In any case being catatonic would be a problem not only in Milwaukee but in Bradenton  as well.

I wonder if people can really change or is it just backwash that we get when we think we changed and then something happens that drags us back into all the same shit. I don’t know. I just known that when looking at my life I can see too many mistakes.

Its a new day and hopefully a day where anger doesn’t creep in to my life or yours.

Oh, and I have never been in Milwaukee but I understand they brew a very fine beer there.

 


Lost

 

She had blue eyes,

Vulnerable, blue eyes

And they held him in their grasp

Gentleness  lived there so much he had to gasp

And she never spoke; she never once spoke

Yet her eyes could easily jokingly poke

And raise the issue of man and woman

As the world floated past the two who were human

As they lay in a grassy field, in a soft and wavy grassy field

Their hands from the sun wide-open eyes did shield

And his protected hers so deep they were and so blue

As they lay in peace and in love so true.

She had blue eyes, deep, soft blue eyes

Vulnerable blue eyes.

Copyright 2/3/2015 Gordon Kuhn

FRIENDSHIPS, WONDERS, BAGPIPES, AND WHO’S ON FIRST


A friend called and asked Jan and I out to dinner. It was fun. Jan and I have not seen them in a long time.

Jean and Mike! We went to a Mexican restaurant locally (like where else would we go? oh, just thought we’d pop off in a commercial jet and wing our way to California…God help us…and get Mexican fast food) where we had eaten before. Personally I think it is all made up and kept in the fridge (a lot of restaurants do that) and just pop it in the micro when someone comes along and orders it. Anyway, it was good. I brought home my leftovers in a foam type package and we left it on the table inside the front door. Bet you are wondering where it is tonight and no I didn’t eat it.

Anyway, it was a surprise and welcome one but I am a bit of an anti-social person and I hate crowds and I always feel uncomfortable in such situations. (This morning I met with a group of fellow vets and they sang happy birthday to me. Yep. Pure torture.) On the one hand I want and welcome the attention and on the other it is like telling me that I just walked through a patch of poison ivy. I think that is part of my self-destructive nature like forgetting it was my month to buy donuts for my vet group because it was my birthday month…..hey, why doesn’t the group by the donuts for the person having the birthday and not the reverse.

I would think that is the way it should be, but I guess it all works out in the end. One of the vets there this morning was in a unit in Vietnam that suffered the most casualties of the war. In one engagement they had over 300 casualties. I find it amazing to be in the company of such men as he.
In other interesting news facts, I came across a veterans art studio in St. Petersburg. They are doing an open house on September 16. There is to be a band there, other artists, and me. I’ve been invited to do a book signing. So now the mad rush is on to complete and print the first of two books in a series regarding a true crime event. I managed to get a cover done for the book. It only took me three days. I only lost 12 versions of the artwork to the monster hiding in my computer that probably ate the damn things. When I reported my problems to the software manager/owner/developer I was informed that no one ever from the time that God made Adam had ever reported having any difficulty with their software. I guess, in a way, that was a polite way of being told, “you’re stupid.”

 

 

Yesterday Was My Birthday


Yesterday was my birthday. It was not a significant day for me. Nothing stood out. There was no “wow” factor. For me it was just another day. But for my wife, and my friends, it held a different meaning. Oddly no one actually asked me how old I am. Perhaps that was out of politeness. Perhaps, like me, they recognize that in life everything is moving forward. So on the day before yesterday I was one day shy of being fully the age I reportedly became at the hour and minute of my birth so many years before. Then, I have to say that today I am the age I was yesterday plus one day. I find that atrociously simple and yet complex in a mutually beneficial manner. It occurs to me that we begin the countdown on life when the baby is reported to have exited the mother’s womb. The record will continue until, quite simply, we die. It’s how we count the days and years. I suppose in some small way it all makes sense. I mean, it’s absolutely necessary that it makes sense for some. I don’t know if I fall within those ranks. I might. But I seriously don’t know.

What I do know is that advancing to another age, a plateau in life,  is something we cannot prevent. I find it curious to have friends who lament the passing of the years. I’m not so concerned about the years as I am the activities that occurred within those years. I’m sure that we all have moments where we examine ourselves and in many cases are not happy about what we find there. At least that is how it is with me.
I have determined that over the course of my life I have been very self-destructive at times. Perhaps I was programmed that way by the very people who should have been supporting me and telling me that I could achieve all that I want in this life by working hard. Instead I recall being an 11-year-old child riding in my parents car with my father driving and we passed an area made up of beautiful homes that had smaller, yet still opulent, side homes for guests or for family members. I can recall saying to them that one day I would be successful and I would own one of those homes and the building that was a smaller house would become their home and it would be paid for totally by me. Instead of a simple positive response from both my parents, one so desperately needed, the response was, “Sure. Your brothers said the same thing and neither one of them have accomplished that goal, so neither will you.”
So I truly believe that the programming was attached during that short conversation in which I, as a small child, reached out to the very people who should have been encouraging me, and found instead a belief that I was bound to fail. And, I believe, that I like so many others in the similar situations are doing everything we can to make certain that our parents were wrong and yet the programming, in many cases, was so strong we fail before we begin.
So my hat is off to those who try and fail and yet still fight the false images fed to them as children. Perhaps we are all winners in the end.

Field Notes For The Mentally Unprepared # 2


I recall that I gave a slight sigh at his comment, feeling a minor depression forming somewhere in the back of my mind, deep in some rift of grey matter, and I turned to go. It was best to simply go at that point. To leave. To retreat. To leave this man alone before he confused me even more with his ability to see when he was blind and to know without being told. Odd, I thought, How like him he was to the rest of the world in many ways and yet completely unlike the world in many other ways. Too complex for my wee brain to handle and so I turned to go just as he spoke.

“Do you know there is little difference between a white piece of paper and a black piece of paper?”

Man with a Cane.


I was at the Tampa Library earlier today and I stepped outside for a moment to check the weather. There I found a very thin, grey-haired man standing alone leaning up against a pillar near the front door of the building. I noticed that he held a white cane with a red tip on it that informed me that he was blind. We both stood there about twenty feet apart without speaking. I noticed that the cane was held lightly in his right hand and his left hand was hanging loosely with nothing to do . I looked again at the cane and, being someone interested in math, I was curious about the angle that he and the cane formed.

“Forty-five degrees,” he said without looking in my direction.

“What?” I asked, surprised by his comment as I had said nothing to him and wasn’t even sure if he knew I was standing near him.

“Forty-five degrees,” he said again, and then added, “You were wondering at what angle my cane was set from my body. It’s forty=five degrees.” He sniffed and wriggled his nose as if something had irritated it.

“But I didn’t say anything to you.”

“I know,” he signed. “But it’s a common question by those, like you, who are curious about angles and such.”

We stood in silence for several moments and then I added, “But I am the only one out here.”

He turned his head to the left and then to the right and said, “Yep, you’re right. I haven’t seen anyone out here for at least twenty minutes.”

 

 

I often wonder…


It is true, you know, that I often wonder about who plays what part in each of our lives. Who are we to one another, really? What mystery do we all share? Do we really exist? I suppose that last question is an easy answer. Every time I miss the nail and smash a finger I am very well aware that I am alive. But what of the rest of life? There is the age old question about why are we here? What of our purpose? Do we have or share any purpose.

Atheists believe no God exists. Odd, actually, they have a belief and yet tell me I have no right to a belief that God does exist.

I am told there is no proof of God. I ask them for proof that there is no God. I feel sorry for them in their apostasy.

It is the same with Jehovah’s witnesses. Debate them and they will back out to the waiting car in the street as it slides up to rescue them from being converted to, say, being Catholic.

In the end I don’t think it matters much. I am not out to convert anyone.

Today I met a wretch of a man, a Vietnam Vet who was asking me for money. Oh, I am sure he was for real. I don’t like the phony ones and I don’t like being asked for money. There are plenty of resources for the homeless and ill, they don’t need to ask for handouts. The VA has plenty of resources to help with disabled vets who have fallen by the side of the road like the one I met today. I came close to buying his lunch, we were standing in the parking lot of a restaurant where I had just eaten, but then thought information was what he needed and not cash from me. So, I fed him with information, but I don’t think he ate it. The people who could really have helped him were within walking distance, but he never went that way. Instead he went into the bushes behind the restaurant and relieved himself. Another person came up, another vet, he gave him money. He didn’t see the guy come out of the bushes. Probably wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

It was an interesting conversation, my trying to break through and aim him in the right direction and my knowing he would never move in that direction. So, I didn’t buy his lunch. I wished him well and then went home.

Tomorrow I will return to the VA medical center for another appointment concerning the constant pain I have. Tomorrow I’ll drive over to the same restaurant. Tomorrow, if he is there, I’ll invite him to have lunch with me.