Category Archives: Post Traumatic Disorder

4/5/19 0825 Morgan St. Albany, GA.


The days are turning slowly to the end of our ownership here. We put the property up for sale and had an offer in three days. We took it. Selling off everything here.

We have a home in Florida. This was a vacation home. Unfortunately there are problems. The primary is the medical services provided here in Albany by the VA. There is a Marine Corps base close by and it has medical for Vets, but it is only doctors. If you need medical for ANYTHING other than seeing a doctor you have to drive 90 miles S. to Dublin (and they are not fully equipped) or you drive 200+ to Atlanta. In Florida I have two medical units within 15 miles (the closest is under 10) and a hospital 45 miles away. There are two VA Vet readjustment centers, one in Sarasota and one in St. Pete (I go there after being tossed out of the Sarasota unit for “failure to accept services prescribed by the unit’s manager) and that translates to: he wanted me to undergo hypnosis to take me back into VN. He was NOT a licensed hypnotist. He was NOT a trained social worker. He had a degree in anthropology. I said “no.” He told me that because I was refusing his decision I had to leave the vet center. OK, I did, and I wasn’t the first to have that happen. Well, he is no longer in charge of that unit. I wrote a 3 page letter about him and sent it to the VA headquarters in DC.

Anyway, such is life.

More later!

 

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Wednesday and Two Tours in Vietnam!


Good Wednesday to you all! For me it started with being startled out of my sleep. That was because I had a rough night and needed more sleep and my wife had to wake me because I had a breakfast meeting to go to. So, I changed the time and met a buddy about an hour later than normal. He is a former Army Medic that did two tours in Vietnam.

He had wanted to be a doctor. He joined the Army and requested training in field medical. He then did two tours as an airborne medic. He saw enough blood and gore to end his desire for being a medical doctor. He is loaded with PTSD. Sad, really, I think he would have been a good physician.

Jan and I are both tired from driving to and from Georgia. Just a long trip surrounded by idiots either driving too fast or too slow.

One thing I will never understand is that near the Florida/Georgia border their is activity by both the Florida Highway Patrol but on the Georgia side they are like a bee hive that has been whacked with a stick and the idiots on the highway just go flying along. Between the border and Tifton it is a good chance to see (on both sides N and S) five to six cars pulled over. One would think that would slow things down. The answer is NO they just go flying along oblivious to the stops.

We have a radar detector but always drive within the speed limit. I just don’t understand these other people. And then, you will occasionally see not just one cop car with a stop but two and three on one car. Now why would someone want to bring dope into either state. Stupid. They are waiting for you.

Anyway, that’s it for today. Tired. Already irritated a nephew who is anti-gun, anti-Catholic, anti-Irish, and anti-Jewish. So I shall retire into the sunshine. Until tomorrow.

A Soft Tapping in Darkness Came


A Soft Tapping in Darkness Came
Last night I was wakened from a deep and troubled sleeping
Sleeping deep, blanket wrapped, and restless in the dark
When there came a soft tapping, a gentle and easy rapping
Gently placed upon the cold glass window near my bed
And from that slight sound, that gentle tap, I was drowsy led
Led from my sleeping deep and blanket wrapped, restless in the dark
To peer with no slight concern and wonder and seek the sight
That lay hidden, perhaps in death, in the rain filled night
Death in memories with ghosts that leave the living in fright
While hoping and thinking it must be a branch from my tree
One close to the side of the window that I could plainly see
That in the wind and rain that storm filled restless night
Could rap and tap and do its best to cause me no common fright
Should I but simply stare off to where there was no light
And then sudden appear some phantom in my sight
Some ghost of man or men who walked last night
Whose shadows live and come from the past
While haunting now their sad memories are cast
They that walk their walks restless always every night
So close and far they live and walk within my sight
From memories best dealt with in the light
Memories best left alone during a restless, sleepless night
Apparitions real perhaps that haunt my every thought
While in a restless sleep just peace is sought
Simple peace of mind that cannot for any price be bought.

© 2018 Gordon Kuhn, All Rights Reserved 6/30/2018

Catatonic in Milwaukee


Stiffness of mind can be a problem and should be noted to tend along with a great deal of anger. I deal with anger. I have problems with anger. I can be very un-nice with anger when it overtakes me and lately it has been  near me too much. I think it is just that the world is moving at such a strange pace and what I hope for is not actually happening but the reverse is. Maybe that  holds true for you as well. In any case being catatonic would be a problem not only in Milwaukee but in Bradenton  as well.

I wonder if people can really change or is it just backwash that we get when we think we changed and then something happens that drags us back into all the same shit. I don’t know. I just known that when looking at my life I can see too many mistakes.

Its a new day and hopefully a day where anger doesn’t creep in to my life or yours.

Oh, and I have never been in Milwaukee but I understand they brew a very fine beer there.

 

Battle Flag


Battle Flag

 

The battle flag sudden snapped and swung up to fly in the wind

Above the post on the hill that even God had not known about back then

On a hot and sticky day where boys waited amid the baking heat

All seemed to stand still in the sudden roar of quiet to those there that day

Broken by the Sergeant’s sudden shout of “guns up!” that tore the silence apart

Rifles swung up then their muzzles pointed out and down across the clearing

Where men of difference moved so quiet in the sea of grass

Then, with hearts beating hard in all the chests of those there that hour and day

Searing rounds were sent out for the human shearing

A burst returned ripped holes in the flag that flew in the wind

Blood and mud spattered, its fabric so worn and so thin

That flew above boys that day sudden turned into men

It snapped and swung up to fly in the wind

Above the post on the hill that no one, not even God knew about back then.                

6/10/13 edited 12/22/2016

VETERAN!


Copyright by Gordon Kuhn 11/10/2015

On this day the United States Marine Corps is 240 years old.  I and other Marines all celebrate today worldwide.

Veteran!

Three simple syllables. Yet, one of the most powerful words in our lexicon. One of the most meaningful. It identifies the person so called as having a place in history. They left behind family and friends and stepped into the breach risking their lives for the protection of others and the freedoms we all share.

 Veteran!

The word, the label, if you wish, transcends the ages, and more. It does not discriminate over sex. It does not look at cultural heritage. It cares not for your religion or political beliefs. It does not care if you were in one branch of service over another. It does not measure your service based on the tasks you were assigned. It does not care if you were drafted or joined as a volunteer. It only cares that you stood and took an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States.

Veteran!

A simple word that identifies the person so honored as called as being a part of history. Each one has stories unique to the time and locations of where they served. Each left family and friends behind and stepped forward into the breach risking their lives for the protection of others and for the freedoms we all share.

 

Veteran!

——————————————————————————————— 

Copyright 11/10/2015 by Gordon Kuhn

 

Veteran

You stood your watch and honored are

Now feel the breath of history brush across your face

Here the voices of those who went before you

And those who came after whisper your name

You who left your family and friends behind

And stepped forward to protect them

Drafted or joined

You faced loneliness

You witnessed violence

And felt the cold sense of fear

And you stood your watches

Regardless of where you were

Or the time of day

Or the weather that surrounded you

In daylight or night, warm or cold, dry or chilled by rain

You kept your orders regardless of the pain

It matters not what sex you are

Nor the color of your skin

It matters not what religion you take comfort in

Or, perhaps, none at all

It doesn’t matter what task you were assigned

From clerk to rifleman, to sailor, or in the sky

You stood your ground for freedom and for family

You stood your watch, and honored are

And honor laid upon you the title: Veteran

 

DAN ANDERS


I lost a good friend on Wednesday, 5/6/15. His name was Dan Anders. He was a Vietnam Vet. He died at 1420 hours about 5 to 10 minutes after I walked out of his room. I had spent over an hour visiting with him and his wife. He had pancreatic cancer. He was in the hospice unit of C. W. Bill Young’s VA hospital located at Bay Pines.

Dan was unique. He is the only person known to have lived following being exposed to anthrax. The National Institute of Health had been following him for several years after it was discovered that he had been exposed and survived. His pancreatic cancer was a surprise to everyone. Only a little over a month back he was told he had 7 to 9 months to live. Then less than two weeks later it was reduced to 3 months. Then a week later it was down to 3 weeks. He leaves a wife and a daughter. He also leaves a group of friends, vets and non-vets. He was an avid hunter and loved the outdoors. He will be buried in a family cemetery next to the woods he roamed as a young man.

He’ll be missed.

Dan On Friday


I saw Dan on Friday. I saw him and met his wife and daughter at the VA hospital at Bay Pines. He is in the hospice unit. That unit is unique because the people working there volunteer to be there. They are not assigned. Each has personal reasons for being there. It is an incredibly loving facility and filled with a respect that in overwhelming. An Army veteran working there delivered some fresh water and juice and, just prior to leaving the room, snapped to attention and saluted Dan. It was a crisp snap of  salute. No words. No smiles. Just professional military respect for another vet.

They had a poster on the wall, a certificate made out to Dan. They had beads made of the same colors as the ribbon that all Vietnam Vets know and recognize for having served in Vietnam. Vietnam still holds emotional content that the average person will never understand. Never. We sometimes will tell the uninitiated that it is a “Nam thing” to try to best explain words or looks between vets.

The beads were delivered in a ceremony that will bring tears. The beads are put together by a Vietnam Vet and delivered by a Vietnam Vet to a Vietnam Vet. I have beads. They were given to me by a combat Vietnam Nurse that had worked on the unit and when she did it hit me hard. She was well-known for walking up to VN Vets that she found even in the elevator and doing the ceremony while giving them the beads.

Dan was in bed. His wife on the left and his daughter had just left the room when I walked in. They had warned me that he did not look like he had as his illness was taking its toll. Dan was in and out of it. I knew he was an avid hunter but did not know he hunted not only with rifle but with bow and with muzzle  loader. He was an avid outdoorsman. They said he will be buried in an old cemetery up north and the grave will be close to the woods he so loved.

Dan is an Air Force Vet. Dan holds a purple heart. Dan survived a brain injury. Dan survived exposure to anthrax. Dan has a daughter, a wife, and a group of Vietnam Vets that love him and will miss him. Dan was a friend.

Second Followup on Dan.


I learned just a few days ago that Dan had originally been given six to nine months. That was only a month back. Then the time was shortened to three months. Sadly, on Tuesday this week, Gina called to tell me that Dan was in the VA hospital and had been given three weeks to live.

How can this be?

This is a man who survived being exposed to Anthrax and has been followed by the Centers for Disease Control following that discovery. That federal department and the VA have tested him over and over again. They have gone from the top to the bottom of the man and then done it again on several occasions. How can it be that no one discovered the cancer destroying his pancreas and how is it that it is so extremely fast-moving.

There comes no answers.

I will visit with him tomorrow at Bay Pines. It may be the last visit that I have with him. I will sadly meet his wife and daughter for the first time. Both have had recent medical conditions that have caused pain and concern for their own lives and now they face the loss of the man who has helped them through their own problems and there is nothing to do but watch him be destroyed by a cancer that suddenly appeared. And no one has an answer. No one.

Thanksgiving!


Good morning, afternoon, evening!….I have a lot of followers from all over the world. Some of you may be celebrating Thanksgiving and some of you may not. Even so, I wanted to write you and say thank you for following this site. I have over 700 people following this site. That is quite a lot and I am honored to have you here

As a writer, I need to have people read what I write. Without you I am just someone sitting at a computer wasting time.

You are what is important to me individually and collectively. You power my day and my nights. Knowing you are there keeps me interested in what I do and hoping that what I do gives you pleasure. Otherwise, why do it.

So, regardless of what you are doing this day or this night when you read this, regardless of where you are; I want you to know that I am glad you are out there and I want to hear from you. I also am inviting you to my new site. And, I want you to please subscribe there and make comment to me. I need your support and I need your input into what I am doing. So, don’t be shy.  Thanks again, Gordon.

My new blog and bookstore is located at http://www.authorgordonkuhn.com